Hey all, Jimmy Duncan here, host of the Hookers and Shooters wrestling podcast (avaialble exclusively at facebook.com/hookersandshooters, cheap pop cheap pop). Hope the week has found you well, and I truly hope you enjoy this week’s column. Feel free to drop your thoughts and comments on the podcast’s Twitter page, @hookersshooters.
I hate writing negatively two weeks in a row, I really do. (I’m gonna chalk it up to quitting smoking, but that’s another article). But honestly, does anyone feel like there’s any momentum for WWE whatsoever going into the Rumble this year? More so than any other year, for me at least, the whole thing just feels stale and lifeless.
The card doesn’t feel strong to me, first of all. CM Punk v. The Rock had a lot of potential going in, especially after that memorable promo Punk dropped on January 7th. That segment on Raw suspended the collective disbelief, and had you (or me, at least) believing that despite the assumed title change there was a chance for a good swerve in there, somewhere.
Count on the good folks in booking to piss that momentum away. Since then, we’ve had a sing along about how ugly Vickie Guerrero is, the Rock being held out of the ring by the local police, said local police chipping in to buy ol’ Rocky a ticket, Rock getting jumped by the Aces and Eights, err…I mean the Nexus….umm, The Shield. My fault, I get them mixed up sometimes.
Punk has been hit with the Rock Bottom about 481 times since the beginning of January, making him look like little more than Dwayne Johnson’s jailhouse date, but you can bet your ass that he’ll become the Straight Edge Stud when you’re paying to watch it. You’ll be expected to believe that the guy who has been made to come off as Rock’s lesser will suddenly punk up and give this guy a true run for his money.
Good story, bro.
As for the other matches…yeah, still nothing there. Kaitlyn defending her belt intrigues me. She has become the closest thing to an actual wrestler WWE has to offer, with a style that harkens back to fighting women’s champions like Trish Stratus and Lita. I really dig that, but honestly the Divas division has been driven so far into mediocrity it’s gonna take a long time for her matches to be anything more than a bathroom break, no matter how hard she spears Layla or Alicia Fox or whatever cannon fodder they stick in front of her.
Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars could be a good scrap. Kane and Daniel Bryan have have a solid and entertaining run as tag champs, but at the heart of everything they are star singles wrestlers. I hope creative will take this opportunity to put gold on a team in Sandow and Rhodes that can use the rub to truly hit the next level, therefore letting the current champions return to better things flying solo.
Big Show vs. ADR has turned into a confetti throwing comedy routine, used to put Del Rio over as a face. Nothing more. Whoever wins this match should serve as Dolph Ziggler’s cash in, and that should be the end of it.
Then, of course, there’s the Royal Rumble match itself.
Here’s what pisses me off about the Rumble. Once upon a time, it was a really huge deal. Guys lobbied and jockeyed for their position throughout December and January, and it was a wide open field.
Fast forward to 2013. You have John Cena hyping up the big event with a riveting promo about yoga, bodily fluids and Call of Duty, a grand total of four guys (Sheamus, Orton, Cena, Ryback) who appear to have any chance of winning the damn thing, a Beat The Clock challenge with a completely anticlimactic payoff, and a impromptu battle royal featuring those three guys and a random scattering of wrestlers that you never ever ever ever ever ever see on television getting tossed around like rag dolls.
Yeah, JTG. I’m talking to you, my friend.
There’s an answer to this, though. All of this. Maybe this is the right time to create a new star. Blow everyone’s mind, and have a complete long shot win. Someone like a Michael McGillicutty, for example. I know it sounds a little nuts, but it’s a swerve in and of itself, it creates new starpower for Wrestlemania season, and it generates interest.
Ryback was new once. He generated interest. So was Rock, Cena, Sheamus, all these guys. They all started somewhere. Give a new guy a shot as it as well. Unless, of course, the New Age Outlaws are the surprise entrants/cowinners. I’d be okay with that, too 🙂
Me and skidmarks187 will be watching…
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You’re so nice towards Ryback
LOL probably. The thing is, I honestly don’t blame Ryback for anything he’s doing right now. I think he was thrust into a position by necessity way too soon, and hasdone an okay job with the cards he’s been given. I’m not a Ryback mark or anything like that, but I do think he gets a little better every week, and definitely has a future ahead of him. He’s not gonna be a flash in the pan.
Thanks for reading and commenting, too. I really appreciate it.
“You look like a hooker, but not the expensive kind.”
That line alone makes the entire Rock/Punk angle worthwhile. Then again, I’m pretty messed up. 😉
If it makes you feel better, when I wrote the stale and lifeless line, I was desperately looking for a Katie Vick joke to slide in there. I might be a little messed up, too 🙂
Stale and lifeless? It got the crowd to crack up.
You’re right there. I’m just speaking to the buildup as a whole. Maybe the Rock/Cena program spoiled me a bit last year. I guess I was just expecting something a little grittier, a little less one sided. It feels like a vehicle to push Rock more than anything else, as where the lead in for last year’s match was a bit stronger.
Maybe Punk can do a battle rap? lol
In my opinion, Daniel Bryan is the dark horse in the royal rumble match.
Is he even in the rumble? He already has a title match earlier in the night. I mean, i’d be cool with that, he’s phenomenal.
I think he is because if he’s not, why did Kane and Daniel Bryan do their “I’m going to win the Royal Rumble” bit on RAW? Usually guys who have matches on the card also participate in the Royal Rumble. Last year, Ziggler and Big Show were in the Rumble and they had World Championship matches earlier in the PPV. And in 1998, The Rock went 51 minutes in the Rumble after having a 10 minute title match against Ken Shamrock on the same night.
You’re right. I forgot about that part of the promo. My apologies 🙂
I’m hoping Daniel Bryan wins…I would love to see him get a main event match at WrestleMania…I can’t believe he hasn’t had an official WrestleMania that went longer than a minute yet. Are they worried that he might steal the show from Taker or Dwayne?
I actually think Punk is the more stronger-booked guy. Like on Raw after The Shied beat down to the Rock, it was Punk, after cutting his promo, the one who seemed to be more dangerous.
I do agree the RR seems to be sold a little short but I don’t think it’s as bad as what you’re making it out. I’m just looking at this from my point of view; I’m REALLY looking forward to Rock v. Punk and I’m never ever disappointed with the Rumble match so I am looking forward to that.
I agree the hyping (Cena’s promo etc..) for the Rumble match itself was pretty bad, but as a fan I am already sold on it. I know the Rumble match will feature tones of talent, will have surprise entrants and usually always has an interesting winner. So from that perspective I am already sold.
Eh, it’s not hard to look more dangerous when three guys haven’t attacked you.
I accept defeat. This time. 😦
Thanks for the kind words. I still blame my bitterness in this article on my efforts to quit smoking 😉
Seriously though, I do see you point. Like I said in an earlier reply, I think I might have been spoiled by the lead up to last years Rock/Cena match. And with the other title match, the big moment was on free TV last week. I hope i’m wrong, but for me, creative has dropped the ball a little with alot of things.