Monday Night Raw
April 8, 2013
East Rutherford, New Jersey

-Michael Cole welcomes us to the IZOD Center with JBL and Jerry Lawler, one night after Wrestlemania XXIX. We get a montage of last night at MetLife, complete with the awesome Rocky 2 music in the background. We begin with our NEW WWE Champion (forgive me while I throw up in my mouth). John Cena comes out with the new title belt and that new hideous t-shirt with the belt printed on it. Forgive me if I’m a little rankled with that whole ending to the show. Incidentally Rock tore his abdominal muscle so he’s not here tonight. His rematch is in his back pocket. Cena’s just laughing in the middle of the ring as the heel heat comes rolling in. Cena says it’s everyone’s dream to be in Wrestlemania’s main event. He says if you win you get everything with it, including adulation and respect, which he’s not getting. He keeps getting booed, and he’s asking for cheers. He says he’s going out on a limb, but the crowd seems more than a little angry. He’s upset because…Wrestlemania is over? Wow he’s even acting like a dick, on purpose! We get a “BORING” chant, this is getting ugly. He starts using terms like “heel turn” and gets a rise out of them. He says a champion has risen from Wrestlemania. This is his post-Wrestlemania celebration, and there’s no party there will be a title match tonight. He says the belt will be defended tonight against whoever the #1 contender is. He starts ripping names off like Orton and Punk, but out comes another winner from MetLife Stadium, Mark Henry. He says what’s up champ. The problem with looking for trouble is that you’ll find it. “Sexual Chocolate” is chanted and Cena points it out. Henry destroyed Ryback last night and it’s time for these two to have some action. The crowd now chants “FEED ME MORE”. Cena makes a “breath smells like ass” comment. He’ll give Henry the shot tonight, but Smackdown GM Booker T comes out and says sorry John you can’t make matches. Rock is the #1 contender still, but he’s hurt. So if Mark Henry can beat Cena in a non-title match tonight he will get a title shot.

MATCH: Daniel Bryan vs. Big E. Langston
-After losing their title match last night, Dolph Ziggler’s powerhouse bodyguard makes his Raw debut tonight. Langston works Bryan over early, as the crowd chants Bryan’s name. Bryan made a nice comeback until Langston threw him into tag team partner Kane outside. Langston hits his finisher and gets the win. Cole called it “The Big Finish”. That would be a cool and simple finish.

-Josh Matthews is with Kurt Warner, who talks about “The Moment”, a new USA reality show that starts Thursday.

-Barrett tapped out to the Figure Four last night on the Wrestlemania pre-show. There should have been more than that one match one the pre-show. The match goes back and forth, even through a commercial break. Wow both guys really have their boots on tonight. Eventually Barrett actually hits the Bull Hammer and pins Miz to win back the title he lost last night. Ok. Weird, but I’m glad Barrett’s champion again.

-Backstage Vickie and Brad are glowing over their success at Wrestlemania. In comes Sheamus, who’s pissed off. Sheamus wants Big Show tonight, he knew he was right that Show couldn’t be trusted. So Vickie gives him his match tonight.

-More still shots from last night, more awesome Rocky 2 music.

-Backstage Booker T is getting congratulated for being in the Hall of Fame. Randy Orton stops Booker to congratulate him, but he wants the traitorous Big Show tonight. Booker says Vickie already gave Big Show to Sheamus. Orton says Booker is the man to overrule her. Booker thinks about it, and makes the match.

HANDICAP MATCH: Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter vs. Alberto Del Rio
-Zeb says he needs everyone’s support to right last night’s wrong and save America. Our country is on the verge of anarchy. When Alberto Del Rio comes out tonight, he wants the crowd to chant “USA USA”. Interesting mind games. Del Rio has a new really hideous t-shirt on. The crowd wants Dolph, which sucks for Del Rio, as he needs the crowd to stay hot. JBL and Cole are on tonight, they always are when they argue about Zeb Colter. Del Rio was off to a great start but the double teaming has the heels in control. Swagger is working Del Rio’s leg over. It’s clear Cole is a Democrat because he always defends them to JBL. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just saying. Swgger has the ankle lock in, but Del Rio gets to the ropes. Del Rio eventually reverses it into the Arm Breaker. Swagger taps out, and the champion wins. Unfortunately the crowd wants Ziggler. Del Rio wins but he can’t hold his leg.

-Officials are working on Del Rio’s leg, and with that out comes Dolph Ziggler and his brief case. The crowd is going bonkers as he says cash the briefcase in.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: Alberto Del Rio © vs. Dolph Ziggler
-Ziggler goes bonkers on Del Rio but Alberto kicks out of the Fame-asser and even gets a kick to the head for a 2 count. Del Rio gets the arm bar on but Ziggler cranks on Del Rio’s bad leg and he had to let go. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag and 3 seconds later is the NEW WORLD CHAMPION! The Izod Center crowd is off their rocker. Dolph needs to turn face right now. Del Rio doesn’t need to be heel though, just another face on the roster is necessary.

-Back from break and there is the gong. Out comes the man now 21-0 at Wrestlemania, and who last night wrestled his 7th straight 3.5-plus star Wrestlemania match in a row. Here’s my opinion of his matches since Wrestlemania 23:

2007: Batista, ****
2008: Edge, ***.5
2009: Shawn Michaels, *****
2010, Shawn Michaels, ****.5
2011, Triple H, ****
2012, Triple H, *****
2013, CM Punk, *****

Taker said he dedicated his win last night to Paul Bearer. Before he could say another word, out comes the mother fucking SHIELD. Holy shit, these guys are stars. However after surrounding the ring the Deadman gets backup from his brother Kane and Daniel Bryan. Hmmm, is Taker back full time?

-Josh is with new World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler, who says this is his Wrestlemania moment and he’s gonna show it off.

MATCH: Santino Marella, R-Truth and Zack Ryder vs. 3MB
-What is this? This is the start of something bigger than this match. I guess not, Santino wins with the Cobra. Interesting.

-We have a piece on Wrestlemania taking over New York and New Jersey, including Axxess and other events.

-Backstage Sheamus and Orton argue over who gets Big Show, and Sheamus says he’s got this.

-Back from break and Big Show is the one that was mistrusted by two men. He shouldn’t have trusted them. Big Show says his thunder was stolen, and no one does that.

-Sheamus heads to the ring, and he knows what happened last night, and when he asks the crowd if they want to see him kick Show’s ass the crowd is 50-50. Out comes Randy Orton, Orton asks the same question from the crowd, and now Cole says the crowd will tweet who Big Show will face tonight. I’m curious where this is going to go, and if indeed Orton does turn heel. Back from break and both Vickie and Booker come out. Booker says a fair and impartial decision has been made. You too face each other and the winner gets Big Show.

MATCH: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton
-The match is going at a TV pace, but the crowd is off the charts bonkers tonight, as mid-match we get “OLE OLE OLE” chants and the “JBL”, “Jerry” and “Michael Cole” chants. This has been maybe the best overall post-mania Raw in ages. We get back from break and now there’s “ECW” chants. I’ve totally lost track of this match as the crowd has totally taken over this show, and that’s how it should be. The crowd now chants “Randy Savage” which is pissing Orton off. Sheamus hits White Noise, but misses the Brogue Kick. Right then Big Show comes out and he throws Sheamus into the post. He gets in the ring and knocks Orton out while the crowd chants “Thank You Big Show”. What are they selling in the concession stands tonight? Show throws Orton into the barrier and then spears him. The crowd chants “We are awesome” as Orton is thrown into the announce table. Show throws the chairs into the ring and leaves.

MATCH: Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston
-Kofi was one of the matches that Fandango blew off leading up to Wrestlemania. The crowd is humming Fandango’s theme. Can Raw be in the Northeast every year? A minute in and Jericho runs in to rough him up, forcing the DQ.

-Jericho is brutalizing Fandango (but took the time to give JBL his hat back). They get back in the ring and Jericho is kicking the crap out of him. He cranks up the Walls of Jericho and the Codebreaker.

-We look back at Triple H’s night at Wrestlemania, including a post-match MRI on his arm. Josh is with Paul Heyman who says he didn’t have a bad night last night, if you look at it differently. Brock is ready to fight, but he won’t for free. As for CM Punk, he’ll give his opinions…next week.

MATCH: Team Rhodes Scholars & The Bellas vs. Tons of Funk & the Funkadactyls
-This match was bumped from last night’s show. The crowd is singing some other song now. The guys can’t even commentate without laughing. Tons of Funk/Daktyls win.

-Another spot for “The Moment”.

MATCH: Mark Henry vs. John Cena
-Oh brother, this will be interesting. The crowd is singing Fandango’s theme again. If Henry wins, he gets a WWE Title shot. Rock tore his abominal abductor muscle and suffered a hernia. Henry takes control and is going to wreck the announce table. Cena gets put through the post and Henry through the stairs. Both men are down. Cena gets in the ring first. The match is over and John Cena wins by countout. Well that was quick and no one cares.

-Cena’s in the ring but Mark Henry attacks him anyway. Then out comes Ryback and he works Henry over. Henry leaves the ring. Ryback helps Cena to his feet, and they glare at each other. The “Feed Me More” chant continues. Then out of nowhere Ryback cranks Cena with a clothesline, then drops Shell Shock. He gives Cena the FU and holds up the World Title. With that, this memorable Raw is out.

SCOTT’S TAKE: This was one of the greatest Raws of all time. The crowd, and the Ryback heel turn highlight the show.

Scott’s RAW Top 5:
1) John Cena
2) Ryback
3) Shield
4) CM Punk
5) Wade Barrett