Hello all, and welcome to another edition of I GOT TILL 5! The (sometimes) weekly wrestling report where I can never decide on a fully fledged out format but the basic premise stays on there’s a 5 involved somewhere. Probably.
I was unsure what I’d be writing about this week for a very long time. Roughly 7 days, in fact. Money in the Bank is this Sunday and it is one of my favourite PPV’s of all time, and as a side note my birthday is also 7 short days away, and it made me think back to my favourite PPV of all time.
Money in the Bank 2011.
So why is this my favourite PPV?
Firstly, it aired on July the 18th. My birthday. And it was free on Sky Sports here in the UK so I went all the way to my best friends house to watch it live in HD at 1am. Okay so technically it was July 17th in America but for me, it was my first birthday present of the year and it was probably one of the best.
So my two friends who I’m watching it with, Reece and Jamie, aren’t huge wrestling fans. They know enough to know whats going on and understand the rules and the characters, but they don’t actively follow the product. So I get to tell them different stories about the wrestlers involved and fill them in on the storylines and I LOVE being able to talk about wrestling with people, hence why I do this column.
The first match was the Smackdown Money in the Bank match. It featured Justin Gabriel, Kane, Sin Cara, Wade Barrett, Cody Rhodes, Heath Slater, Sheamus and the eventual winner, Daniel Bryan. When Bryan won the match, I blew my fucking lid. At the time, he was pretty much unknown to my friends but I’d been a huge fan of his for a very long time, and was immensely proud to see him capture the briefcase and pretty much solidify that he would be winning a world championship down the line. Fast forward two years and every single one of my friends knows who he is and understands “YES!’ing. He’s truly made his mark not only in the wrestling world, but in my life too. I really hope he wins on Sunday.
The second match was Kelly Kelly vs Brie Bella. Well, at least it was out of the way early. I fucking despised Kelly Kelly with a passion. She is the worst fucking wrestler I have ever seen, so much so that I would just openly laugh at her whenever she attempted to run the ropes. It was David Flair kinds of bad.
The third match had Mark Henry defeat The Big Show. This was, in my opinion, the beginning of Mark Henry’s recent streak of … I don’t know, being good. He and Big Show had a decent big man brawl and I believe this is when Henry started crushing peoples legs with a Vader bomb and a chair. I could be wrong though. Either way, I expected this match to be pig shite boring, but ended up really enjoying it. It allowed me to see Henry in a different light, and I’m so happy it has, because he’s become one of my favourite wrestlers in WWE.
Alberto Del Rio, Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston, Alex Riley, R-Truth,The Miz, Evan Bourne, and Jack Swagger fought in the fourth contest, with Del Rio picking up the eventual win. Whilst I loved Daniel Bryan winning the previous match due to me being a huge fan, I was happy to see Del Rio win this one because I felt he deserved too and that it would fit his character perfectly and he would make a great world champion. You can stop laughing now. Bare in mind that when Del Rio first came into WWE he was fresh and exciting, and a lot of people bought into his heel schtick. I’m not really sure how or where it went wrong. This is also, in my opinion, a much more violent MitB match. The spots seemed a little bit more logical and dangerous. It was also a great way to keep the interest peaked in the PPV, after a Divas match and a slow, impactful brawl.
In the fifth match, Christian defeated Randy Orton by disqualification, after spitting in his face causing Randy to kick him in the nuts. A lot of people online shat on this and hated it, but I thought it was genius. Christian plays a very good cowardly heel and what he did made sense in order for him to win his title back. The match they were having was also pretty fucking good, and allowed their amazing feud to continue. I’m pretty sure Orton and Christian wrestled on 6 straight PPV’s (maybe I’m wrong) and it was never boring. This was a very smart, very bastardly way to continue the feud, make Christian look like an absolute cunt and to give Randy more of an incentive to beat him.
And then, the main event.
John Cena vs CM Punk.
My friends don’t like Cena. They say he comes across as “Superman”, in the sense that he’s the weakest of all Superheroes because he is SO GOOD AT EVERYTHING NOTHING CAN DEFEAT HIM EVARRRR and it just gets dull and boring. Basically, they summed up half of wrestling fans reactions towards him after only seeing him a couple of times. I’m not sure they really knew who CM Punk was, but the general morale was “I hope Cena loses.”
And I told them he wouldn’t, as CM Punk was leaving the WWE.
What followed is the most perfect match I think I’ve ever seen.
If you haven’t watched it, stop reading this column, find the match and watch it. I don’t care if you know the result already. Watch it.
Me and my friends were pretty tired after almost 3 hours of wrestling, but my god did we ever wake the fuck up when this match was on.
Everything about it is so perfect, the crowd reactions, the false finishes, the feeling of “Well we KNOW Cena is going to win as Punk’s leaving…” followed by “…but what if Punk doesn’t leave and it’s just a really good story?” The CM Punk shoot promo on Raw a few weeks before only helped strengthen this amazing match. It came off as so legit and from the heart that everybody who was watching cared.
And then the unthinkable happened.
CM Punk beat John Cena in the middle of the ring, won the WWE title, and walked out of the company.
The entire internet blew up with what happened and it helps cement my 20th birthday as one of the greatest days of my life. I bought the DVD as soon as it came out and will be watching it later tonight. I don’t think another PPV can come close to the amount of excitement, drama and just good, quality wrestling for me.
As for this Sundays PPV … I’m excited. I’m not going to list all of the matches but for the first time in a couple of weeks it’s time to give my opinions via…
I’VE GOT TILL 5!
- All Star Money in the Bank match. An idea I really like. There are a few people who have an outside shot of winning, RVD, CM Punk and Randy Orton spring to mind; but for me, ideally, I’d love to see Daniel Bryan pick up another win. He’s more popular now than he was 2 years ago and the reaction would be fucking amazing.
- RVD! RVD! RVD! I fucking love Rob Van Dam and I’m super excited to see him in a WWE ring again. Call me a mark I don’t give a fuck, I fucking love this man.
- World Heavyweight Championship MitB match. A nice idea putting in competitors who have never held a world title, but strange to see that all of them are heels. I look forward to seeing how Rhodes, Sandow, Cesaro and Swagger face off against each other. For me, Ambrose is the guy whose going to win, although I can see Swagger regaining the briefcase once again, and a complete shot in the dark would be Barrett as he was tipped for big things before his elbow injury. Possibly Rhodes/Sandow to cause dissension between the two? I’ve no idea whose going to win!
- Ziggler vs Del Rio. These two always have great matches together and, despite Del Rio being a little boring sometimes, they are two very gifted wrestlers who should put on a fun match. I’d be happy to see Ziggler win, but I’m assuming that AJ causes a distraction allowing Del Rio to pick up the win by accident. Possibly after a similar thing happens with AJ’s match.
- I love ladders. Seriously, a ladder match is my favourite gimmick match ever so having two in one night just makes me so fucking happy. I can’t wait to have my mind blown once again by whats going to happen.
- Dean Ambrose. I like him, I really do. But whatever happens in his match, I’m going to dread the outcome from the horrible Shield fandom. If he wins we’ll be getting intricate details of how in love they are with him and gif sets of him holding the briefcase with different filters and professions of lust towards the back of his head (something I genuinely saw on tumblr), however if he loses they’ll be suicide notes, death threats, complaints and just an overall shitty attitude to the PPV because one fucking fandom can’t shut the fuck up for three seconds.
- John Cena vs Mark Henry. We run into the old problem of “Cena wins lol”. We’ve seen him over and over again lift up Great Khali’s, Mark Henry’s and Big Show’s for the Attitude Adjustment, no matter how many times you make him fall flat on his face on the previous episode of Raw we all know how it’s going to end. And as much as I like Henry, I don’t think Cena can help carry him to a great match. Of course, Mark Henry could win. And that would be the biggest surprise of the night for me. But I don’t see it happening.
- The Pre-Show. I understand how the tag team division is still being built up and something has to go on the pre-show, but does it HAVE to be the Sheild’s match? The Uso’s have actually been built up as a somewhat credible threat. Bare in mind that most of The Shield’s opponents have been thrown together teams of main eventers, whereas The Uso’s are an already established team who know each other better than anyone, being that they’re twin brothers, and their father was Rikishi. It just makes me a little sad knowing that I’ll probably forget about the pre-show and miss what could be an entertaining little match.
- Everyone’s a Heel! I mentioned in the YES part of the column that I’m excited for both MitB matches; but I’m still very confused as to why everybody in the WHC match is a heel. I’m assuming we could get some teases of a face turn for several superstars, maybe it’s a test to see how the audience reacts to them, but thats the point I’m trying to make. Who will the live crowd react too? It also shows a surprising lack of faces in the upper-mid card.
- Curtis Axel vs The Miz. I just really don’t care. I’m glad the IC title is getting some love but, Curtis Axel isn’t setting the world on fire and The Miz’s face turn has just bombed. In my opinion, this should’ve been on the pre-show. Miz needs to freshen up his character before everybody just completely gives up on him. Curtis Axel needs to have a great match soon that makes people realise what he’s all about. I don’t think he can get it out of The Miz.
We’re almost over, my lovely readers, but I’d like to introduce something new to the column. A little bit of fantasy booking. I’d say that this isn’t completely out of the question in terms of actually happening. So here’s a little segment, a last hurrah as it were before my column ends, that I’m entitling…
SHIT EDDIE WOULD LIKE TO SEE HAPPEN!
Extremely catchy, I know.
So, Daniel Bryan wins Money in the Bank for the second time. He’s YESing louder and faster than a hooker in heat and everything is glorious. Fast forward to Cena vs Henry. Two scenarios strike.
Cena beats Henry and wins the match. During his celebration Henry’s like “Fuck you” and gives him The World’s Strongest Slam. As Henry leaves the ring, Daniel Bryan’s music kicks in, the crowd goes insane, Bryan cashes in Money in the Bank, starts kicking the ever loving shit out of Cena before one final kick to the head puts him out for the 3 count and Daniel Bryan is your new WWE Champion! This also sets up Cena vs Bryan at Summerslam!
A repeat from how Bryan won his first World Championship. Mark Henry pulls off the unthinkable and beats Cena for his very first WWE Championship! He celebrates triumphantly, but exhausted, possibly showing signs of an injury. Daniel Bryan’s music kicks in, he cashes in, win’s the WWE title in 45 seconds or less. NEW WWE CHAMPION. Daniel Bryan does exactly what he did the first time, can claim he has slain two giants to win two different world titles, Henry either takes time off, quits, or a returning Big Show starts some beef with him for no good reason, and we can build a programme between John Cena and Daniel Bryan for Summerslam!
And that, ladies and gentleman, is it for another week. I hope you have a great weekend, I’m going to stick on Money in the Bank 2011 and eat ice cream.
Thoughts and opinions appreciated in the comments, did you enjoy my fantasy booking? Do you agree/disagree? What’s your favourite Money in the Bank moment?
I’d also like to say thank you to everyone who commented on last weeks edition, with 23 comments it has been the most commented column I’ve written so far on this website. You are all lovely.